but seriously! i only write on here once in a while so i think i should be able to say what i have to. no ones making you endure the pain anyways...
on one note... my niece and nephew have been staying with us at my moms house for almost 2 weeks now...needless to say it reasured my notion that im not ready for children yet in life. lol.
on a stupid note..i met someone.
her names tesla...and i met her about almost 4 months ago..
the first day i saw her i thought she was the hottest girl i'd ever seen. which is werid for me considering i usually never say it outloud...but i did haha. one thing led to another and all that shit and well fastforeward to present day and here i sit writting this blog. with an ex who wants nothing to do with me because her new girlfriend doesn't want the drama.
and im one best friend short...
sad thing?? shes more interested in a relationship.
and im more interestd in being her friend and finding a way for her not to go to jail.
idk why im writing about this. im just extremely pissed off.
not at the fact that she has a girlfriend because come on be honest i dont give a rats ass. shes my ex. but on another note i do.
i think she doesn't give herself enough credit most the time...she honestly does deserve the world..but not in the way shes looking for it.
idk..
its whatever i guess.
all i know is that i can't care about it anymore...well i mean im going to worry im going to care about her no matter what but i'll just try and push it to the back of my mind since i know she doens't want to have anything to do with me.
its just hard.
loosing a friend.
and everyones all "brie i know your in love with her.." no. i was in love with her. and yeah i guess if you come down to it i would do anything to be with her again...but the truth is..i was just a rebound girl. i guess now i get why kaylans always upset with me...
i get it. it hurts.
so im done.
im sick of crying about her. and im sick of drugging myself to where i can barley function to not have my mind running thoughts and memories over and over again. im sick of the pictures i can't seem to put down and most of all im sick of the places im scared to go now...just cause i dont know if i could handle see her...
i love how i write everything im feeling on here cause i know no one is really reading it anyways...
but if anyone out there is reading this..
im sorry. for putting you through this depressing blog haha.
and just remember... "its not the end...its never the end."
pce.
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