bad day.

I feel like sometimes people dont listen to me. they think I'm just a giant joke. I know this post in all honesty wont be gramatically correct, but I just dont give a shit anymore.

I wish people would see me for me. yeah I'm not the same girl i used to be but my heart is as welcoming as it has always been.

I'm in love with you and your too blind to see it. too stubborn to see it.
I know you know, I can tell at the way you look at me when i look into your eyes. its so hard to hide though and i dont know if i can take it anymore.
I want to hide.
hide in a place that isn't my own at all and just submerge myself there until im willing to face the real world again.

People think just because I did bad in school im a moron and they can talk shit about me.
I'm not dumb, I just didn't want to be there. and I can prove it to you, if i wanted to.
I am my own person, and I will do things my own way regardless of what other people think of me.

I dont care about your opinons or your likings of me. anyone whose reading this should know that by now.

I miss my old friends, I miss missouri in a way that I wish i could go back.
I miss the atmosphere, I miss Kiley and Sarah the most though. I feel like they were right when they said i wasnt being "me" that night. I want to go back to me though. because honestly, when i lived in missouri i felt more like me than i have ever felt. I knew who i was and now being in this environment I have absloutly no idea who I am. I want to run.

is that bad? i mean I know it has to be bad in some aspect, but I mean really? Everyone must want to get away at some point and just be free.

I think i have too many things tieing me down to even consider it.
I want to go back to the old me. I want people to accept me.
I want to be skinny and I'd do anything in the world to feel comfortable in my own skin again.

I need to pick myself back up, I know i have to, but i'm not sure wher exactly to start.
I need my friends.
they are my biggest support group. no matter what happens between us.

I miss the way we all used to be in middle school, crazy right? we all couldn't wait to grow up, and now that we have....I want the old us back.
I feel like sometimes I dont know who you all are anymore. like we've each seperated without even knowing that.

I need to get away.
I need to find myself.
i need help and im not sure how to get that help in the sense of helping myself find me again.
so yeah...