Ironic.

don't you think? Ironic. how we all mesh together like one huge ball made out of composted garbage. tossed and kicked into the abyss of lifes hands and blossomed into a reality only known by true americans. Ironic. hm.

I wish i could let you know how i feel right here and now but I don't think that's a possibility. Lately I've come to realize that life is way shorter than i initally assed when i looked at the situation. ending infront of us before we even begin to fathom the idea of its game.

Have you see the Time travlers wife? im guessing yes if your nodding your head and no if your still staring here motionless reading these words as i type them onto the screen. Imagine life. leaving it and welcomining yourself whenever your body decided it was time. scary huh? Imagine a world filled with dissapointments and yet still a sense of hope and love. can't imagine it can you. can't even begin to think of what that would do to your life you live now? It would be scary. I do give it that much.

I recently felt like i have become someone new. someone I do not know of who I am but I am slowly finding out. I feel like a bum. As if im waisting my life away. And thats killing me more than ever. I wake up late, go to bed late. make it a point to at least go on my balcony and take in a breaht of fresh air before the sun sets in 2 hours. I find myself having a nightmare more than actually dreaming. I find myself waking up t cold sweats instead of that chillingness I use to.

Its crazy how we change isn't it?

From that little girl, who her biggest worry is if that boy shes in love with will take her to the dance. To the young women fending for herself and slowly growing apart from the family she's known all her life.

I recently looked up the meaning of a dream. And you're probably thinking, "wow a dream brie? really?! " but yes. And I'm not saying that I've ever done that before, and I would tell you, but I haven't. This dream just scared me so much that I had to. Anyways, the meaning of the dream was that something in my life was changing. a new chapter was beginning an old one was ending. and suddenly I felt myself not being able to handle things I once thought I could.

Its crazy how we learn isn't it?